


Mortis

by Kiitsuo



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Compliant, Frottage, Graphic Description of Corpses, Intrusive Thoughts, M/M, Necrophilia, Sexual Fantasy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-08
Updated: 2016-03-08
Packaged: 2018-05-25 11:12:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6192802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiitsuo/pseuds/Kiitsuo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi watches over Erwin and realizes just how still, sleeping bodies resemble corpses.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mortis

**Author's Note:**

> Hello this is my first fanfic I've written since middle school or something. 
> 
> I have no excuse. I basically just have a fascination with complicated psychological defense mechanisms and and paraphilias and wanted to write a fanfic exploring the possibility of Levi developing nercrophilia due to the repeated deaths of his loved ones. 
> 
> I'M VERY VERY SORRY PLS FORGIVE ME. ｍ（｡≧ _ ≦｡）ｍ
> 
> http://honjizoo.tumblr.com/

Erwin was a quiet sleeper, a still sleeper, a dead sleeper. Levi looks over from the table he’s working at and watches Erwin’s chest rise and fall with each breath. He always looks so serene while he sleeps. He’s envious, and a part of him wants to crawl next to him and into the other man’s arms. He continues watching, gently smiling to himself, until the stillness of Erwin’s body starts fucking with his head.

Suddenly, Levi is five again, laying with his mother’s body on their single worn out bed. When Levi had gone to lay down with her for bed that night, she was warm, she moved, wrapping her frail arms around his small body, pulling him close and whispering, “I love you.” Levi woke up the next morning, shivering. The warmth from her body had gone, and he remembers wriggling about trying to get out of the embrace of rigor mortis. 

Levi laughed at first, saying, “Mommy! Let go of me. I’m hungry, Mommy. Is there breakfast today?” But there’s no reply, no movement, no semblance of life. Just silence, stillness, and death itself. He begins to panic when he cannot get free. Eventually, he does and scolds his mother, expecting a reaction. His frenzied scolding gets louder, more abrasive and rude. Maybe she’ll start yelling at him like she always does! But she doesn’t. She just lays there, still. 

Death is not a concept five year olds understand. Levi doesn’t realize his mother’s body is now a corpse. He pushes her, trying to get her to stir. She doesn’t. He remembers her skin being cold to the touch. He remembers becoming frustrated by his mother ignoring him, and he remembers being hungry. Maybe she’s hungry too. Maybe she will perk up if he brings her food.

When he returns with a loaf of stale bread he managed to steal, he announces, “Mommy! I got breakfast!” as he rips a chunk off for her. She doesn’t take it. “Aren’t you hungry?” He asks, trying to get her to take it. Maybe he has to feed her. Levi rips the bread into smaller pieces and tries to shove them into his mother’s mouth. Tears well up in his eyes. Why is she doing this? Why is she ignoring him? He gives up trying to feed her, crying in defeat as he traces the marbling of blood vessels underneath her pale skin. 

Weeks later, when Kenny finds him, Levi reeks of death.

*************

Levi blinks away the memory and scoffs, attempting to continue his paperwork. He looks over at Erwin again and realizes how still, sleeping bodies resemble corpses. Erwin isn’t a corpse, but now he can’t shake the mental imagery from his head. He reaches over to touch Erwin’s hand as if to prove to himself that Erwin is warm and full of life. His hand is cold. Levi’s panicked heart skips a beat, his brain yelling, ” _See! I told you he’s dead!”_ And with that thought, he feels it, the feeling of arousal stirring in the putrid depths of his gut.

But Erwin isn’t dead. His hand quickly warms under Levi’s touch, and Levi can hear him breathing, can see him breathing. Slowly dragging his fingers up toward Erwin’s wrist, he stops where he can feel his blood pulsing through his veins and back to his beating heart. He shakes his head, trying desperately to ignore the faint sensation of heat traveling down to his lower body. 

Paperwork. He has paperwork to do. He promised Erwin he would finish it before he went to bed. Levi turns his attention away from Erwin and toward the stack of papers on the table next to him. As he’s reading over various things, he imagines Erwin as a corpse. 

Like his mother, Levi imagines touching Erwin’s dead body, feeling the cold stiffness as he wraps his fingers around his rigid hand. Intrusive imagery of translucent skin mottled with red lightning bolt veins and arteries fill Levi’s mind. _No. Stop thinking of that. Erwin is alive._ Visions of warm, pink lips kissing cold, purple ones emerge from the deep sea of his psyche. The corpse he’s kissing is whole, not a single cut or scrape on its body means it died from natural causes. He hopes Erwin will die of natural causes one day, whole and in one piece instead of scattered throughout the forest like a trail of human breadcrumbs. 

Arousal. The thought of kissing Erwin’s corpse makes his breath hitch. Kissing corpses and caressing them like a long lost lover, such things shouldn’t be seen as erotic. Levi shifts in his seat, and the small amount of friction he creates feels like fire to his groin. Should Erwin die in his sleep right now, pass peacefully on just as his mother had, he would crawl into the space next to him, wrap his arms around his deceased body, and pepper him with kisses and sweet nothings until the last heat of his life dissipates. He’d make love to him one last time as a final goodbye. 

His mind conjures up vivd imagery of him sucking the dick of Erwin’s corpse, moaning around the flaccid length. Sucking until his jaw aches, until he’s choking on his own saliva, until rigor mortis sets in. He imagines rubbing his body against the corpse, grinding down hard and fast and heavy until he cannot take it any longer. Right before he comes undone, he stops and kisses Erwin’s face and neck through his shameless panting, nipping at the rigid skin as he slowly positions himself onto Erwin’s stiff fingers and fucks himself into a delirious stupor.Streaks of white come splatter across the corpse’s chest, glistening against the blue tinged skin.

Oh, what debauchery! The thought of making love to his commander’s dead body sends Levi into a fit of hysterical laughter before he can swallow it down. Immediately afterward, he curses himself for laughing as loudly as he did. He curses himself again when he hears Erwin stir.

“Levi?” Erwin begins to say, his voice muffled by a yawn. “Is that you? Is everything alright? 

“Yes, everything is fine, Erwin. Go back to sleep. It’s still early.” Levi doesn’t dare look him in the eye, or even look in his general direction. How could he after fantasizing about such an abominable thing? Erwin eyes Levi with suspicion, and Levi can feel his gaze burning holes into the back of his head. “I’m serious,” he quickly adds, “I’m not even done with the paperwork yet.”

Erwin sits up and raises a brow in suspicion. Levi never laughed like that. “Something on your mind? Your laughter woke me up. What’s so funny?” 

Levi turns his head, but makes a conscious effort not to look Erwin in the eye. “Nothing. I just thought of something funny.” _Like fucking myself on your dead body_ “Like how full of shit you are with writing these reports. Now go back to sleep. I’ll come lay down with you once I’m done.” There’s no question in Levi’s mind that Erwin can see through his bullshit, so he grits his teeth and prays that he will humor him, acting as if nothing is wrong.

There’s a brief moment of silence between them. Then, through some miraculous alignment of the stars, Erwin only says, “If you insist. Just don’t stay up too late, okay? Even you need to sleep.” He lays back down in defeat and shifts around a bit to get comfortable again. Soon enough, he is out cold again. Levi sighs to himself in relief.

The relief, however, is short lived. Adjusting his focus back to the paperwork, Levi feels it, the feeling of heat throbbing in between his inner thighs. Horror dawns across his face as he realizes just how turned on he is from his depraved sexual fantasy. He bites the inside of his lip and dips his pen into the ink pot. As he scrawls his name on the document, his mind fixates on corpses. 

Corpses. Erwin’s dead body. His mother. The remains of Isabel and Farlan strewn across the field after that fateful encounter. Levi imagines them all. He thinks of the nights he spent as a child sleeping with his dead mother until her skin began blistering and swelling. Repulsion accumulates in his gut and mixes with arousal upon thinking of his childhood friends, how they died tragic, brutal deaths. How he wishes they died in one piece so that he could have laid down next to them until they too swelled up and rotted. The realization hits him: everyone he’s ever loved has ended up a corpse. 

Panic strikes Levi. He thinks of Erwin again, Erwin who is currently alive and well in the bed next to him, who is most definitely not a corpse at this very second. He wonders when Erwin will end up a corpse, what he would look like as one. Will he be whole like his mother, or will he be torn apart like Isabel and Farlan? If he had a choice, he’d have Erwin die right now, perfectly preserved in a peaceful slumber.

An inaudible moan passes through Levi’s lips. The more he thinks of Erwin being dead, the more excited he becomes. Surely he doesn’t want Erwin dead. How many countless nights has he woken up due to that very nightmare of Erwin being dead? How many countless nights has he forgone sleep entirely just to avoid the imagery his mind would summon of Erwin being torn and ripped apart by Titans? So many that in fact, the prospect of Erwin dying a peaceful death is absolute ludicrous in his mind. Yet if he could have one wish, that would be it, that Erwin would die intact. So that Levi’s last memories of him would be of kissing his purple tinted lips and caressing his mottled skin. So that his last memories of Erwin would be of him running his hand through the fine strands of his soft hair, and not of him mangled with blood and gore. 

Nausea and guilt swirl in Levi’s stomach. Not even his nerves, which are a festering pile of shame and disgust, can kill off his arousal. He shifts around in his chair, attempting to relieve his discomfort with no avail. His entire body is on fire, and his mind is taunting him with imagery of Erwin in various stages of early decay. Each image of him is vivid and deliciously whole.

The space between his legs is sticky, wet, and hot. Levi turns around to look at Erwin. He’s so whole and still, so dead and yet so undeniably alive. He touches himself through the fabric of his pants and moans again. Vile, cancerous lust pulsates through every crevice of his body. He _needs_ Erwin right now, needs him so much. Needs to know he’s not dead, needs to know he’s alive. Needs to know the man he loves isn’t a corpse. 

Uncontrollable laughter shakes through Levi’s body. 

Erwin jolts awake at the sound of Levi’s hysterics. “Levi! What’s wrong? Are you okay?” He yells, worry radiating from his voice. 

This time, Levi looks Erwin in the eye. “Please, Erwin. Indulge me.” His voice is quiet, far too meek for his usual temperament. 

“What do you mean?” He watches Levi stand and make his way over to the bed, watches him crawl next to him.

Levi swallows. “I need you to close your eyes and stay still. Don’t touch me. Please don’t touch me. Don’t move. Don’t talk. Just lay there, like you’re sleeping. Please. I need you to do this for me.” He can’t bring himself to say the words _pretend that you’re dead for me_. “Do you understand?” 

Never has Erwin seen such desperation in Levi. His eyes meet Levi’s and he nods silently. It’s almost frightening.

“Good,” he says as he kisses the space between Erwin’s eyes, “Now close your eyes and lay down.” 

Erwin obliges. He feels Levi’s lips against his cheek, can feel his eyelashes fluttering against his skin as he kisses him. Levi’s touch is gentle, almost as if he’s afraid Erwin is going to break. He feels the comforting weight of Levi climbing onto his chest, and he wants to wrap his arms around the other man’s waist, pulling him close and never letting go. But Erwin is an obedient man, and fights off the urge to do so. Now he can feel Levi’s hands caressing him as he peppers kisses down his jawline and neck. When Levi nips and sucks bruises into his shoulders, he bites the inside of his lip to keep from making noise.  

Deep purple sprinkled with red blossoms under the spots where Levi sucks, a sign of life. Levi looks at Erwin’s lips, and they are warm and pink and not cold and purple. He cups Erwin’s face with his hands, whispering, “Don’t kiss me back. Please don’t kiss me back,” as he presses his own against Erwin’s. He fantasizes that he is kissing Erwin’s corpse, and Erwin plays the role disturbingly well. The kiss starts off a small, chaste peck, but soon deepens into something more. Soon Levi is moaning into Erwin’s mouth as he grinds against Erwin’s pelvis.

Every nerve in Levi’s body feels like it has been set ablaze. His mind is a muddled mess of penitence, but he only grinds down harder. It’s just like he did in his fantasy, grinding down against Erwin’s body as he kisses him deep and passionate, feeling every dip of Erwin’s dead, lifeless body.  

Only Erwin is full of life, and Levi is so lost in his fantasy that he doesn’t feel Erwin’s length harden against his own from his incessant grinding. Levi trembles above him, his breathing becoming heavier as his movements become desperate, frantically searching for a release. Erwin feels a shift in weight. He feels Levi grinding down hard and rough on him, and now he too is caught in the riptide. A few grunts escape his lips when he feels Levi paw at his dick with his hand, jerking him roughly through the fabric of his pants. 

Erwin feels Levi’s body shudder, feels him writhing above through his orgasm. He feels him collapse onto his chest, still stroking his length. Levi keeps jerking him, stroking him, and soon his own hips are buckling upward as he lets out a few low grunts. His own orgasm washes over him, jerking his hips up and knocking Levi back to reality. 

Levi looks at his hands, looks at them covered in Erwin’s come. He looks at the wet spot on his pants from his own mess, and suddenly he feels degenerate. The guilt hits him. He had just told Erwin to play dead so he could pretend to fuck his corpse. But dead bodies don’t come, and his hand is covered in white. He had gotten off to Erwin’s fantastical death. How utterly disgusting.  

“You’re alive…right?” Levi’s voice is soft and quiet, quivering and almost hollow. When Erwin opens his eyes, he sees Levi hiding his face in the crook of his neck, sobbing hysterical messy tears into his shirt. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I’m so fucked up. I shouldn’t have gotten so turned on.” He mumbles on repeat. “Disgusting, disgusting, disgusting. I’m fucking disgusting.” 

“Levi?” Erwin says, gently rousing him, angling his head and prompting him to look at him. “What’s going on?” 

Gray eyes meet blue for a moment before Levi makes a dive for Erwin’s shoulder again, latching like a baby bat clinging to his mother. Sobs wrack through Levi’s body, and Erwin holds him like that, holds him like Levi will fall straight to hell should he let go. 

“Erwin, promise me you’ll let me die first,” is all he says.


End file.
